A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stop
The driver screamed, lost control, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.
Then the driver said:
“Don’t ever do that again, you scared me!
The passenger asked:
How did a little touch scare you so much?
Driver replied,
Its my frist day as a taxi driver. I’ve been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years!!!
All posts by munchings
Alcoholics Anonymous
If u feel overloaded with Work, Immediately go to the nearest
“Biological Anxiety Relief” (BAR) center and place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:
1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).
This is issued in public interest by “Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)
Guess!!!
Guesssss
“u can not eat me unless u spread me”
?You cannot taste me, until you undress me?
“u can not eat me unless u lick me”
“u can not play wid me unless u blow me”
“u make me wet and put me in your mouth everyday”
“u can not enjoy me unless u suck me”
– lollypop
Male Bashing
Time for some male bashing… đ
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are men.
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Public Nuisance
After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: Hi sweetheart it’s Eric, I’m on the train â yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting â no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life â yes, I’m sure, cross my heart etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice: Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!
Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer
Sexual Harassment and Dirty talk
When a man talks dirty to a women its sexual harassment..:(
N
When a woman talks dirty to a man its 10rs per minute.!!
Incredible India
Funny meanings of places in english
.
1=Large State
“Maha-Rastra”
.
2:place of Kings
“Raja-Sthan”
.
3=Mr. City
“Shri-Nagar”
.
4=Rhythm of Eyes
“Nayni-Tal”
.
5=Face
“Surat”
.
6=Unmarried Girl.
“Kanya-Kumari”
.
7=No Zip.
“Chen-Nai”
.
8=Come in Evening.
“Aa-Sam”
.
9=Go and Come.
“Go-Aa”
.
10=Answer State.
“Uttar-Pradesh”
.
11=Make Juice.
“Bana-Ras”
.
12=Do Drama.
“Kar-Natak”
.
13=Green Gate.
“Hari-Dwar”
.
Amazing. Incredible  INDIA!!
Relationships
Relationships are harder now because: conversations become texting; arguments become phone calls and feelings become status messages…
Sometimes We wonder
Sometimes we wonder,
‘What did I do to deserve this?’ or
‘Why did God have to do this to me?’
Here is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter is telling her Mother how everything
is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend
broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and
asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the
daughter says, ‘Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.’
‘Here, have some cooking oil,’ her Mother offers.
‘Yuck’ says her daughter.
‘How about a couple raw eggs?’ ‘Gross, Mom!’
‘Would you like some flour then?
Or maybe baking soda?’
‘Mom, those are all yucky!’
To which the mother replies:
‘Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves.
But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! ‘
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you.
He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen.
He can live anywhere in the universe,
and He chose your heart.
If you like this, send this on
to the people you really care about.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
The Insurance Pitch
Four insurance companies are in competition.
One comes up with the slogan “Coverage from the cradle to the grave.”
The 2nd one tries to improve on that with “Coverage from the womb to the tomb.”
Not to be outdone, the 3d one comes up with “From the sperm to the worm.”
The 4th insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with “From the erection to the resurrection”