A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides 2 test it @ dinner.
Dad: Son, where were u today during school hours?
SON: at School. Robot slaps son! Ok,I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again! Ok, it was Bedroom Eyes.
DAD: What?! When I was ur age,I didn’t even know what films were.. Robot slaps Dad!
MOM: Ha ha! After all he’s ur son. Robot slaps mom…!
Total Silence…! š
All posts by munchings
Relationship
A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what you do with a phone that doesn’t have service?
PLAY GAMES š
Mom's Child
David’s mom had 4 children..
- 1st child’s name was 25 fils,
- 2nd was 50 fils, and
- third was 75 fils.
What was the name of fourth child ???
Turner Brown – The Big, Huge, Black Guy
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: ‘7 Feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.’
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: ‘What’s wrong with you?’
In a weak voice the little guy says, ‘What EXACTLY did you say to me?’
The big dude says: ‘I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give You the answers to the questions everyone always asks me…..
I’m 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds,
I have a 20 inch private,
my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.’
The small guy says: ‘Turner Brown?!…Sweet Lord,
I thought you said:
‘Turn around’ !=)) =D
Girls – Cat Fight
2 gals were fighting, & d most awesome abuse in history of mankind was invented-
“BITCH If dicks had wings…
ur mouth would b an airport”=))
Facts of a Hard Corporate Life
In the past few years,
1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine
2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint
3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S
4. I learnt to say three very imp words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir
* I’ll Just Do That sir
5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: –
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work
6. I learnt to: –
* Face Monday
* Fight For 6 Days
* Wait For Saturday
7. I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails
8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals
9. In last six years, People say:-
* You Learnt…
* You Earned…
* You Enjoyed…
10. But when I compare me with my self…
* I just Sustained…
* I just Tolerated…
* I just Survived… for bucks
11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family…
* To avoid blame of Society…
* To get tag of Employment…
12. When I already knew that I have got the wrong train.
* I learnt to Rejoice…
* To be Happy…
* To Smile…
I learnt that corporate life and dreams can never meet… Because when they meet, both will lose their meaning…
Height of Miscommunication!!!!!!
Once there were twins – Mark and Michael.
Mark was the owner of a dilapidated old boat and Michael was married 2 a beautiful yung gal…
It so happened that Michael’s wife diedĀ the same day that Mark’s boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, “I’m sorry to hear about yourĀ loss. You must just feel terrible.”
Mark, thinking that she was talkingĀ about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the backĀ and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was
when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle.”
The old lady fainted :O=))
Father's Day
America’s most confusing day:Ā Father’s day ..
80% dont know whom to wish
20% are scared some one will come and wish them..=))
80% dont know whom to wish
20% are scared some one will come and wish them..=))
=======X=========X========X========X===========
Guys, please don’t accept calls from unknown numbers ON THIS day
u never know if its ŃĻuŃ past waiting to wish u X_X
u never know if its ŃĻuŃ past waiting to wish u X_X
Strike
College girls went on strike.
Boys also joined them.
Girls shouted:
We want justice.
We want justice.
Boys also shouted:
We want just tits.
We want just tits.:P
True Lies
gf: u think i am fat now
bf: no baby, u hav just become teddy bear from a barbie doll …….. :):P;):P….
bf: no baby, u hav just become teddy bear from a barbie doll …….. :):P;):P….
Wen sum1 is so swt 2u,
dnt expct dey’l b lyk dat all d tym,Coz evn d swtst choclate has an expiry date.
Me?
Im difrnt
dnt expct dey’l b lyk dat all d tym,Coz evn d swtst choclate has an expiry date.
Me?
Im difrnt
i’m alcohol,no expiry
d older d bettr8-)
d older d bettr8-)