Category Archives: Crappy

The Cheeks!!

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?’
‘My darling,’ she replied, ‘I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

Prescription Fail

A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before the act.

The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get back from work.

An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill.

But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn’t be in for another two and a half hours.

In panic, he phoned the doctor. “What should I do?” he asked. “I’ve taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home.”

“I see,” said the doctor. “It is a pity to waste it.

Do you have a maid?”

“Yes.

“Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?”

The man was silent for a few seconds, then said, “but I never needed Viagra with the maid.”

Sense of Smell

Went for a walk with the new girlfriend and we saw two dogs mating, she said ‘how does the male know when the female is ready for sex’?
I replied he can smell she is ready thats how nature works!
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the yew, again my girlfreind asked how the ram knew when the yew was ready for sex.
I replied ‘its nature he can smell she is ready’!
We then went past a cow field and the bull was mating the cow, my girlfriend said this is odd they are all at it, surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready, I said look its nature all animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.
Anyway, after the walk I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye, she said ‘take care and hope your loss of sense of smell is not due to Covid ‘!
🦆🤣🤣

When a married man gives in

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend”, when she requested that he shave his beard. He replied: “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”
“Oh please?”,- the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice… The girlfriend asked once more, and he gives in.
That night he crawls into bed with his wife, while she was sleeping. She is awakened, feels his face and replies “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”

Animal BBM Status Updates

If animals have BBM, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :
COCKROACH: “Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!” #:-s
Cat: “My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??,I don’t even remember”…. 8-|
Mosquito: “I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking” :'(
Pig: “Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! ” >:/
Goat : “Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon” X_X
Chicken: “If tomorrow there’s no status update from my side, means I’m being served at KFC” =D:)