Where reflections possess their own physical existence, allowing inhabitants to traverse between the real world and its mirrored counterpart, creating intricate mazes and mind-bending illusions.
The Mirror Dimension
Category Archives: Politics
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Lawyers
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Politics – Knowing What to say, When and Where
A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.
At Moscow airport, Customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, “What is this?”
The man replied, “What is this? Wrong question Comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our hero days.”
The Russian customs officer was a bit shamed and let him go without further inspection.
At Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer also asks our friend, “What is this?”
He replies, “What is this? Wrong question Sir. You should be asking ‘Who is this?’ This is Lenin, a b*d that made me, as a Jew leave Russia. I take this statue with me so I can curse him every day.”
The Israeli customs officer said, “I apologize Sir, you can go on.”
In Israel, when he arrives at his new house, he puts the statue on a table.
To celebrate his immigration, he invites his friends and relatives to dinner.
One of his friends asks him, “Who is this?”
He replies, “My dear friend, ‘Who is this’ is a wrong question. You should have asked, What is this? This is ten kilograms of solid gold that I managed to bring with me without customs and tax.”
MORAL :-
Politics is when you perform the same mess in different ways depending on the audience. The end result will be good in every way…
Ambulance
Adding More to the Economy
Confessions
The Talking Dog
A young boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money … he calls home.
“Dad” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in our institution that will teach our dog,Jack, how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,”his father says. “How do I get Jack in that program?”
“Just send him down here with $10,000″ the young boy says ” and I’ll get him in the course.”
So his father sends the dog and$10,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home.
“So how’s Jack doing son?” his father asks.
“Awesome, dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read ??”says his father.
“No kidding! How do we get Jack in that program?”
“Just send $20,000, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog!!!
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
“Where’s Jack? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jack was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Jack turned to me and asked, “So, is your father still having an affair with that pretty lady Rachel💃who lives down the street ?”
The father went white and exclaimed … “I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, dad!
“That’s my boy!”
The kid went on to law school and is now a politician.