Category Archives: Smart

Punny

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other “how do you drive this thing?”

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

Need an ark? I Noah guy

I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

National symbols

National symbols of India

National Flag

National Flag
The National Flag is a horizontal tricolour of deep saffron (kesaria) at the top, white in         the middle and dark green at the bottom in equal proportion. The ratio of width of the
flag to its length is two to three. In the centre of the white band is a navy-blue wheel           which represents the chakra.
The top saffron colour, indicates the strength and courage of the country. The white           middle band indicates peace and truth with Dharma Chakra. The green shows the             fertility, growth and auspiciousness of the land.
Its design is that of the wheel which appears on the abacus of the Sarnath Lion Capital of Ashoka. Its diameter approximates to the width of the white band and it has 24 spokes. The design of the National Flag was adopted by the Constituent Assembly of India on 22 July 1947
National Anthem

The National Anthem of India Jana-gana-mana, composed originally in Bengali by Rabindranath Tagore, was adopted in its Hindi version by the Constituent Assembly as the National Anthem of India on 24 January 1950. It was first sung on 27 December 1911 at the Kolkata Session of the Indian National Congress.
The complete song consists of five stanzas. The first stanza contains the full version of the National Anthem.
Playing time of the full version of the national anthem is approximately 52 seconds. A short version consisting of the first and last lines of the stanza (playing time approximately 20 seconds) is also played on certain occasions.

National Song

The song Vande Mataram, composed in Sanskrit by Bankimchandra Chatterji, was a source of inspiration to the people in their struggle for freedom. It has an equal status with Jana-gana-mana. On January 24, 1950, the President, Dr. Rajendra Prasad came up with a statement in the Constituent Assembly, “the song Vande Mataram, which has played a historic part in the struggle for Indian freedom, shall be honoured equally with Jana Gana Mana and shall have equal status with it.”
The first political occasion when it was sung was the 1896 session of the Indian National Congress. The song was a part of Bankimchandra’s most famous novel Anand Math (1882).

State Emblem

 

State Emblem
The state emblem is an adaptation from the Sarnath Lion Capital of Ashoka. In the original, there are four lions, standing back to back, mounted on an abacus with a frieze carrying sculptures in high relief of an elephant, a galloping horse, a bull and a lion separated by intervening wheels over a bell-shaped lotus. Carved out of a single block of polished sandstone, the Capital is crowned by the Wheel of the Law (Dharma Chakra).

Currency Symbol

Currency Symbol
The symbol of Indian Rupee typifies India’s international identity for money transactions and economic strength. The Indian Rupee sign is an allegory of Indian ethos. The symbol is an amalgam of Devanagari “Ra” and the Roman Capital “R” with two parallel horizontal stripes running at the top representing the national flag and also the “equal to” sign. The Indian Rupee sign was adopted by the Government of India on 15th July, 2010.
The symbol, conceptualised and designed by Udaya Kumar, a post graduate in Design from Indian Institute of Technology Bombay, has been chosen from thousands of concept entries received by the Ministry of Finance through an open competition among resident Indian nationals. The process of establishing and implementing this new identity is underway through various digital technology and computer applications.
 National Bird

National Flag
The Indian peacock, Pavo cristatus, the National Bird of India, is a colourful, swan-sized bird, with a fan-shaped crest of feathers, a white patch under the eye and a long, slender neck. The male of the species is more colourful than the female, with a glistening blue breast and neck and a spectacular bronze-green tail of around 200 elongated feathers. The female is brownish, slightly smaller than the male and lacks the tail. The elaborate courtship dance of the male, fanning out the tail and preening its feathers is a gorgeous sight.

National Animal

National Animal

The magnificent tiger, Panthera tigris is a striped animal. It has a thick yellow coat of fur with dark stripes. The combination of grace, strength, agility and enormous power has earned the tiger its pride of place as the national animal of India.

National Flower

National Flag

Lotus (Nelumbo Nucipera Gaertn) is the National Flower of India. It is a sacred flower and occupies a unique position in the art and mythology of ancient India and has been an auspicious symbol of Indian culture since time immemorial.
India is rich in flora. Currently available data place India in the tenth position in the world and fourth in Asia in plant diversity. From about 70 per cent geographical area surveyed so far, 47,000 species of plants have been described by the Botanical Survey of India (BSI).

National River


The Ganga or Ganges is the longest river of India flowing over 2,510 kms of mountains, valleys and plains. It originates in the snowfields of the Gangotri Glacier in the Himalayas as the Bhagirathi River. It is later joined by other rivers such as the Alaknanda, Yamuna, Son, Gumti, Kosi and Ghagra. The Ganga river basin is one of the most fertile and densely populated areas of the world and covers an area of 1,000,000 sq. kms. There are two dams on the river – one at Haridwar and the other at Farakka. The Ganges River Dolphin is an endangered animal that specifically habitats this river.
The Ganga is revered by Hindus as the most sacred river on earth. Key religious ceremonies are held on the banks of the river at cities such as Varanasi, Haridwar and Allahabad. The Ganga widens out into the Ganges Delta in the Sunderbans swamp of Bangladesh, before it ends its journey by emptying into the Bay of Bengal.

National Aquatic Animal


River Dolphin is the National Aquatic Animal of India. The Ministry of Environment and Forests notified(File referring to external site opens in a new window)  the Ganges River Dolphin as the National Aquatic Animal on 18th May 2010. This mammal is also said to represent the purity of the holy Ganga as it can only survive in pure and fresh water. Platanista gangetica has a long pointed snout and also have visible teeth in both the upper and lower jaws. Their eyes lack a lens and therefore function solely as a means of detecting the direction of light. Dolphins tend to swim with one fin trailing along the substrate while rooting around with their beak to catch shrimp and fish. Dolphins have a fairly thick body with light grey-brown skin often with a hue of pink. The fins are large and the dorsal fin is triangular and undeveloped. This mammal has a forehead that rises steeply and has very small eyes. River Dolphins are solitary creatures and females tend to be larger than males. They are locally known as susu, because of the noise it makes while breathing. This species inhabits parts of the Ganges, Meghna and Brahmaputra rivers in India, Nepal, Bhutan and Bangladesh, and the Karnaphuli River in Bangladesh.
River dolphin is a critically endangered species in India and therefore, has been included in the Schedule I for the Wildlife (Protection) Act, 1972. The main reasons for decline in population of the species are poaching and habitat degradation due to declining flow, heavy siltation, construction of barrages causing physical barrier for this migratory species.

In India, there are over 100 varieties of mangoes, in different sizes, shapes and colours. Mangoes have been cultivated in India from time immemorial. The poet Kalidasa sang its praises. Alexander savoured its taste, as did the Chinese pilgrim Hieun Tsang. Mughal emperor Akbar planted 1,00,000 mango trees in Darbhanga, Bihar at a place now known as Lakhi Bagh.
National Fruit

A fleshy fruit, eaten ripe or used green for pickles etc., of the tree Mangifera indica, the mango is one of the most important and widely cultivated fruits of the tropical world. Its juicy fruit is a rich source of Vitamins A, C and D. In India there are over 100 varieties of mangoes, in different sizes, shapes and colours. Mangoes have been cultivated in India from time immemorial. The poet Kalidasa sang its praises. Alexander savoured its taste, as did the Chinese pilgrim Hieun Tsang. Mughal emperor Akbar planted 100,000 mango trees in Darbhanga, Bihar at a place now known as Lakhi Bagh.

National Tree


Indian fig tree, Ficus bengalensis, whose branches root themselves like new trees over a large area. The roots then give rise to more trunks and branches. Because of this characteristic and its longevity, this tree is considered immortal and is an integral part of the myths and legends of India. Even today, the banyan tree is the focal point of village life and the village council meets under the shade of this tree.
 

Solution

A father left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons. When the father passed away, his sons opened up the will. The Will of the father stated that the eldest son should get half of 17 camels while the middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third).The youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the 17 camels. As it is not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, three sons started to fight with each other. So, the three sons decided to go to a wise man. The wise man listened patiently about the Will. The wise man, after giving this thought, brought one camel of his own and added the same to 17. That increased the total to 18 camels. Now, he started reading the deceased father’s will. Half of 18 = 9. So he gave the eldest son 9 camels. 1/3rd of 18 = 6. So he gave the middle son 6 camels. 1/9th of 18 = 2. So he gave the youngest son 2 camels. Now add this up: 9 plus 6 plus 2 is 17 and this leaves one camel, which the wise man took back. MORAL: The attitude of negotiation and problem solving is to find the 18th camel i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find the common ground, the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times. However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!

Passbook

Passbook – Really good one !! Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Priya’s mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there’s something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it’s about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I’ve done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you’ve had.
Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did after certain time: – 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage – 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya – 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali – 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant – 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted …. and so on… However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn’t talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world…. no more love… Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Priya talked to her Mother: ‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!’ Mother: ‘Sure, girl, that’s no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can’t stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’ Priya thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce. The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: ‘This is the day I notice how much I’ve loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you’ve brought me.’ They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter anymore after they had gone thru all the good years in their life. P.S.: Life is about the moments you create, that u can keep it with you FOREVER. After everything is over, THAT is what we have or what we are left with. It is Not Important To have a Long Friend List On Facebook & WhatsApp.. . . . But It is Important 2 Have atleast 1 Friend Who Can read your Face As a Book and ask what’s up? 

Silence

 Once there was a farmer who discovered that he had lost his watch in the barn. It was not an ordinary watch because it had sentimental value for him. After searching high and low among the hay for a long while; he gave up and enlisted the help of a group of children playing outside the barn. He promised them that, the person who found it, would be rewarded. Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went through and around the entire stack of hay but still could not find the watch. Just when the farmer was about to give up looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and asked to be given another chance.The farmer looked at him and thought, “Why not.? After all, this kid looks sincere enough.” So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. After a while the little boy came out with the watch in his hand..! The farmer was both happy and surprised and so he asked the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed… The boy replied, “I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. In the silence, I heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in that direction.”
Moral : A Peaceful mind can think better than a Worked up mind. Allow a few minutes of Silence to ur mind every day, nd see, how sharply it helps u to set ur life the way u expect it to be..! The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.. The challenge is to silence the mind…

Small story

Small story…….
The CNN Photographer John was told that a Twin-Engine Plane would be Waiting at the Airport. Arriving at the Airport he spotted a Plane warming up outside the hanger. He jumped in, said ‘Lets go’. The Pilot taxied and took off. Once in the air John told the Pilot: ‘Fly Low over the Valley so I can take Pictures of the Fire on the hill’ Pilot : Why.? John : Bcoz I’m the Photographer for CNN. I need to get some close up shots. Pilot was strangely silent for a moment, then he stammered ‘So, what You’re telling me is . . . You’re Not My Flying Instructor’? . Life is Short. . . Always ASK, NEVER ASSUME.!

The Italian Training

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : ‘Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?’
The husband laughs and says: ‘An Italian girl !!!’
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ‘So, honey, how was the trip?’
‘Very good, thank you.’ ‘And, what happened to my present?’
‘Which present?’ She asked.
‘The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!’
‘Oh, that’ she said. ‘Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl !!!’
Moral of the story: Don’t tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!

Male Bashing

Time for some male bashing… 😀
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are men.
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.