The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it well.”
OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
Tag Archives: Sex
Prescription Fail
A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before the act.
The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get back from work.
An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill.
But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn’t be in for another two and a half hours.
In panic, he phoned the doctor. “What should I do?” he asked. “I’ve taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home.”
“I see,” said the doctor. “It is a pity to waste it.
Do you have a maid?”
“Yes.
“Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?”
The man was silent for a few seconds, then said, “but I never needed Viagra with the maid.”
Masala Dosa & Sexual choices
Everyone likes to eat Masala Dosa and each one eat in varied styles. A study conducted found out the following facts, which depicts your sexual preferences based on your eating styles.. I happened to read about this test, which was claimed to be conducted in Holland, which I felt was absolute rubbish. Its conducted by our local southie folks, as Dosas are their staple diet. Now the studies reveal the following inferences:-
1) If you are a person, who enjoys eating the masala dosa from one side, mixed with chutney and Sambhar, then you are a person, who thoroughly enjoys the foreplay before the actual act. (You take time and make your woman very happy)
2) If you start eating from the centre of the Dosa, masala is what you get to eat first, which makes you a hardcore screwball, who is not romantic and just desperate finish your urge by straight act. ( In other terms, you are a rapist, who is desperate to let the poison out)
3) In case if you keep the masala part towards your side and eat from the opposite end, then you are doggy style lover.. (you are professional in sexual act)
4) There are few who starts sucking the drumstick from Sambhar, before touching the dosa, then you are lover of blow jobs.. ( A born pornstar)
5) The next set of guys will mix Sambhar & chutney into the dosa and eat everything in a messy manner, are the guys who has the premature ejaculation syndrome . (They often cum before they get into the act )
6) Next type of dudes are more interesting types, the order masala dosa, then they order Poori masala and eat that first, these are guys who believe group sex and orgy.
So, how do you like your masala dosa?
Sense of Smell
Went for a walk with the new girlfriend and we saw two dogs mating, she said ‘how does the male know when the female is ready for sex’?
I replied he can smell she is ready thats how nature works!
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the yew, again my girlfreind asked how the ram knew when the yew was ready for sex.
I replied ‘its nature he can smell she is ready’!
We then went past a cow field and the bull was mating the cow, my girlfriend said this is odd they are all at it, surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready, I said look its nature all animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.
Anyway, after the walk I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye, she said ‘take care and hope your loss of sense of smell is not due to Covid ‘!
🦆🤣🤣
Penis Tax
All Penis will be taxed according to sizes
11 & above: wealth tax
9 -10: entertainment tax
8 -9: excitment tax
6 -8: development tax
4 -5: tax free. So which tax u gonna pay
The Italian Training
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : ‘Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?’
The husband laughs and says: ‘An Italian girl !!!’
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ‘So, honey, how was the trip?’
‘Very good, thank you.’ ‘And, what happened to my present?’
‘Which present?’ She asked.
‘The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!’
‘Oh, that’ she said. ‘Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl !!!’
Moral of the story: Don’t tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
When a married man gives in
A married man was visiting his “girlfriend”, when she requested that he shave his beard. He replied: “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”
“Oh please?”,- the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice… The girlfriend asked once more, and he gives in.
That night he crawls into bed with his wife, while she was sleeping. She is awakened, feels his face and replies “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”
Blow Job
Guy walks into a pub and asks for 12 vodkas. The barman lines them up and watches him knock them back.
“Fuckin hell mate! what’s the celebration?”
“First blow job,” says the guy.
The barman congratulates him. “Let me buy you another one.”
“Nah. Fuck it. If 12 dont take the taste away, 13 aint gonna!
Find Love
Ever since Sex got easier to Get 😉
Love has become harder to Find 🙁
Sex Therapy
Did you know that we can determine if a person is SEXUALLY Active just by looking at his/her skin?
1. SEX is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests have shown that when a woman has SEX she produces large amounts of estrogen which makes her hair shiny & soft.
2. To Make LOVE in a soft & relaxed way reduces the possibility of suffering from dermatitis & acne. The sweat produced cleans pores & makes the skin shine.
3. To Make LOVE always allows you burn all the calories accumulated daily.
4. SEX is one of the safest sports. It strengthens & tones all the body muscles. Its more enjoyable than doing 20 laps in the swimming pool & you don’t need special shoes!
5. SEX is an instantaneous cure against depression & stress. It frees endorphines in the blood flow, creating a state of euphoria & leaves us with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more we Make LOVE, the more we have the capacity to do more. A SEXUALLY ACTIVE BODY releases a higher amount of pheromone. This subtle aroma excites the opposite SEX !
7. SEX is the safest tranquilizer in the world. ITS 10 TIMES MORE EFFICIENT THAN VALIUM.
8. To kISS everyday allows you to avoid the dentist. Kissing produces saliva in cleaning teeth & lowers the quantity of acids causing enamel weakening.
9. SEX relieves headaches. Each time we make love, it releases the tension in our brain veins.
10. To Make LOVEl a lot can heal a nasal congestion. SEX is a natural antihistaminic. It helps fight asthma & spring allergies.
Moral: SEX each day keeps the doctor away