Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support, leans towards her and says “Can I kiss u”?
Girl; Not now, I’m at home
Boy; please
Girl ; No
Boy; You were too sweet in bed today
Girl: Waoh! u too, full of energy. I culd not believe we had 4 rounds.
Boy: Let me kiss you goodnight?
Girl: Someone may be watching, they still think I’m a virgin.
This goes on for 10 minutes
Then girl’s brother appears at the gate and says;
“Dad says whether u kiss him or not its ur decision, but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone in the house is listening.
Tag Archives: Sex
Height of Miscommunication!!!!!!
Once there were twins – Mark and Michael.
Mark was the owner of a dilapidated old boat and Michael was married 2 a beautiful yung gal…
It so happened that Michael’s wife died the same day that Mark’s boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael.
She said, “I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible.”
Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten Old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was
when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle.”
The old lady fainted :O=))
Doctor Dave and his Guilt
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldnt. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he would hear an internal reassuring voice in his head that said
‘Dave dont worry about it, you arent the first medical practitioner to have slept with your patient and you wont be the last, plus your single so just let it go Dave”
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality by whispering “Dave…Dave…Dave…You sick bastard…YOU’RE A fuckin VET !!”
Crappy, Irrelavant, Facts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months & 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)3-|
If you farted consistently for 6 years & 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)(y)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!):O
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)\=D/
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy.)X_X
(I’m still not over the pig.):D
Banging your head against a wall looses 150 calories an hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work)8-|
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)=-?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?>:/ )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity);)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)8-|
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm..)(n)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)/:)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Still want 2 b the pig):P
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)nerd
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that):P
Starfish have no brains(I know some people like that too.)8-|
Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer):|
Humans & dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??):s
If you’ve smiled at least once, so spread these crazy facts & send to someone you want to smile….
lucky pigs!!!!!
A Penal Request
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary on the following reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I work in high temperatures.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request under the following reasons:
- You are unable to work double shifts.
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as; wearing the required protective clothing.
- You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed an assigned task.
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
Adult Movies in 3D
Adult movies now available in 3D?!?
Some thing I just don’t want to see flying at my face.=D
A diary entry by a man
Last week , my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’
I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..
‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me…
She Finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’
I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least the bitch knows I’m smarter than her! =))
What SEX can do!!
1.It makes some people religious: oh my god!. yes my god.! jesusssss!
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm .aaaahh ooooh.. asshhh#
3. Makes some people natural competitors: ffaaast!! Fasterrr! yeah fastesttt …k !!!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: ahh U r killing me, I’m dead, I’m finished, you’ll kill me too!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: destroy it!! don’t have any damn mercy!! Just tear it!!,don’t do it with mercy, am not ur sister, do it well.
6. Others become respectful: give it to me pls .. pls … pls I’m begging..
7. Loyalty:luv u endlessly!!.. u own my life!. I’m urs 4eva!! …u are the best i can
ever imagine.! Say whateva u want, jack me any how, and it’s urs!!
8. Makes some people become beggers: yeah pls don’t stop!! Continue pls!! Pls I beg in god’s name give it to me!! Pls give it to me again!!
2. It gives some people their first musical lesson: mmmm .aaaahh ooooh.. asshhh#
3. Makes some people natural competitors: ffaaast!! Fasterrr! yeah fastesttt …k !!!
4. It makes some people announce their own obituary: ahh U r killing me, I’m dead, I’m finished, you’ll kill me too!
5. It makes some ladies become terrorists: destroy it!! don’t have any damn mercy!! Just tear it!!,don’t do it with mercy, am not ur sister, do it well.
6. Others become respectful: give it to me pls .. pls … pls I’m begging..
7. Loyalty:luv u endlessly!!.. u own my life!. I’m urs 4eva!! …u are the best i can
ever imagine.! Say whateva u want, jack me any how, and it’s urs!!
8. Makes some people become beggers: yeah pls don’t stop!! Continue pls!! Pls I beg in god’s name give it to me!! Pls give it to me again!!
Prostitute
Gay with heavy makeup standing on the roadside in late evening.
A man stops his car & asked : R U a Prostitute?
Gay chewing his lips: No. Substitute.;)=D