This is how the pandemic has affected the economy: (and enjoy the nuances of the English language)
This lockdown has led to several local businesses going bankrupt. The blouse manufacturer has gone bust. The specialist in submersibles has gone down under. The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation. A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers. The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded. The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with expenses. The tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road. The bread company has run out of dough. The clock manufacturer has had to wind down and the owner has gone cuckoo. The Chinese food company has been taken away. The shoe shop owner has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot. The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners. The bread bakeries are all toast. And yes, it’s curtains for theatres.
Last week , my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’
I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..
‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me…
She Finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’
I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least the bitch knows I’m smarter than her! =))